you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
