you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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