I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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