I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
