Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
