Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
