I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
