please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
