mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
