i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
