i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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