Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
