you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
