So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize