her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
