I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
