I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
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A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
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he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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