you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
