I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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