I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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