Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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