No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
