Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
