you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
