OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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