I wish my penis had an off switch
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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