you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
