yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
