White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
