Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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