there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
