there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
