okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
