I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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