my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
