he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
