hotel room ftw
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Boobs speak an international language.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
