lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
