Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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