just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
