I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
