I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Floor bacon is actually really good
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
