she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
