...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
