so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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