I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
