Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
