Duck Duck Cougar?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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