Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
