May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
