then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
