I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
