so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
