and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
