but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
