also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
