Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
