I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you will always have a special place in my vag
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
