My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
"it" just moved
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
