you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
